Funny Real-Life Stories

[SecretAgentMan]

[quote name='CosmicRedPanda' timestamp='1355973880' post='1271300']


[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]*LOL* ... And which one are you?[/i][/font]

[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]~ Cosmic[/i][/font]
[/quote]
I don't usually quote people twice, but apperantly she has a BF....... Why in gods name is she stalking me then? Yes, I did a bit of detective work here, but Wth could she want with me? Then again, if she breaks up with him, I will just say no! Too much hell. Bc this story is still going on, I will give y'all updates

[flaccopoe]

[quote name='Mr. Irrelevant' timestamp='1355989126' post='1271445']
I don't usually quote people twice, but apperantly she has a BF....... Why in gods name is she stalking me then? Yes, I did a bit of detective work here, but Wth could she want with me? Then again, if she breaks up with him, I will just say no! Too much hell. Bc this story is still going on, I will give y'all updates
[/quote]

I told you that you wouldn't have to sweat meeting girls!

[Moderator 2]

Jehovah's Witnesses became a real problem in our neighborhood, every other day they were knocking on doors or if you were outside with the kids being a real pain in the rear. I understand ministry is part of their faith but We all politely said no thanks several times and it was getting ridiculous, like at 730 one morning back again they were, hubby decided to convert them to Druidism, cornered then for about 2 hrs-- never saw them again.

[Gordo52]

[quote name='Moderator 2' timestamp='1356020395' post='1271654']
Jehovah's Witnesses became a real problem in our neighborhood, every other day they were knocking on doors or if you were outside with the kids being a real pain in the rear. I understand ministry is part of their faith but We all politely said no thanks several times and it was getting ridiculous, like at 730 one morning back again they were, hubby decided to convert them to Druidism, cornered then for about 2 hrs-- never saw them again.
[/quote]
AFC Championship last year. Ravens @ Patriots. Late in the 3rd quarter, I hear a knock on my door, it's Jehovas Witnesses, We tried to ignore them and we knew they heard us because we were so loud. So they kept knocking, and it was early 4th quarter. It was getting pretty dark out too. Then I yelled "can someone get the [bleeping] door!?" right up against the door. They were leaving but then my dad opened the door and asked what they wanted lol. [facepalm]

And then the saddest Ravens lost ever occured.

[Malkavian Raven]

[quote name='Ravens<3' timestamp='1356021294' post='1271673']
AFC Championship last year. Ravens @ Patriots. Late in the 3rd quarter, I hear a knock on my door, it's Jehovas Witnesses, We tried to ignore them and we knew they heard us because we were so loud. So they kept knocking, and it was early 4th quarter. It was getting pretty dark out too. Then I yelled "can someone get the [bleeping] door!?" right up against the door. They were leaving but then my dad opened the door and asked what they wanted lol. [facepalm]

And then the saddest Ravens lost ever occured.
[/quote]

[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]Finally, we found the people responsible for that loss. It wasn't the guy who dropped the pass... or the guy missed the field goal.. or even the coach that didn't call the timeout.[/i][/font]

[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]It was you and your father!![/i][/font]

[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]~ Cosmic[/i][/font]
[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]I know who is about to become Mr. Unpopular around here.[/i][/font]

[Gordo52]

[quote name='CosmicRedPanda' timestamp='1356026797' post='1271784']


[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]Finally, we found the people responsible for that loss. It wasn't the guy who dropped the pass... or the guy missed the field goal.. or even the coach that didn't call the timeout.[/i][/font]

[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]It was you and your father!![/i][/font]

[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]~ Cosmic[/i][/font]
[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]I know who is about to become Mr. Unpopular around here.[/i][/font]
[/quote]
lol. I didnt need that from you, I live with enough guilt because of that loss. They messed up my concentration

[Ragin'Raven]

[quote name='Moderator 2' timestamp='1356020395' post='1271654']
Jehovah's Witnesses became a real problem in our neighborhood, every other day they were knocking on doors or if you were outside with the kids being a real pain in the rear. I understand ministry is part of their faith but We all politely said no thanks several times and it was getting ridiculous, like at 730 one morning back again they were, hubby decided to convert them to Druidism, cornered then for about 2 hrs-- never saw them again.
[/quote]

We had a couple young boys come to our house around August. It's not like we live in a neighborhood either, so those boys had to be pretty careful of cars.

[RavensAllTheWay]

My house is at the bottom of a hill on my street, so one night a few years back, me and one of my friends poured gas on a tennis ball, lit it on fire, and rolled it down the hill with a lacrosse stick.

My friend had the stick and he tried to control the flaming tennis ball as it rolled down hill, but it ended up falling into the storm drain right across the street from my house. This was on a cold, brisk evening this time of year, so there were probably a bunch of dry leaves in the drain. Nevertheless, the drain caught fire.

We opened the man hole, and suddenly, huge clouds of smoke just started to rise. You could see the street lights clouding up. We went to my friends house, who luckily lives like 50 feet away from where this happened, got a huge bin, and started filling it with gallons of water. We brought it back to the fire and poured it, but it didn't go out. We ended up going back and forth between the drain and his house numerous times, and it finally put out after like three or four trips. Still, there was so much smoke everywhere, and we were lucky this was at night because if it had been during the day and people actually noticed, I bet someone would've called the fire department, lol.

[K-Dog]

^^^
I got a good belly laugh out of that story.
Thanks.

[MsMarvel73]

When I went to grad school, we didn't have JWs....we had Mormons.

I had talked to them once or twice (which is a big mistake....show even one drip of interest and they're on you like Saran Wrap). Well I was in my room one afternoon studying and I heard a knock on the door. I figured it was them, so I just sat in my recliner not making a peep.

So they moved on down the hall...when I heard her door open, I dived out of my room and went downstars and out the front door to my car. I'm standing out at my car and all of a sudden the two young men appear coming out the back door of the building....

What did I do? I ducked down beside my car...was sooooooo freaking funny cause had they turned to their left as they came out the door they would have seen me. Fortunately, they were on a mission (ha ha) and went right to head to the frat house next door. So I got in my car...not really having a destination....just wanted to do Mormon avoidance....and ...well I don't even remember where I went.

Seven and a half years later and that still cracks me up.

[MsMarvel73]

[quote name='RavensAllTheWay' timestamp='1356419743' post='1278599']
My house is at the bottom of a hill on my street, so one night a few years back, me and one of my friends poured gas on a tennis ball, lit it on fire, and rolled it down the hill with a lacrosse stick.

My friend had the stick and he tried to control the flaming tennis ball as it rolled down hill, but it ended up falling into the storm drain right across the street from my house. This was on a cold, brisk evening this time of year, so there were probably a bunch of dry leaves in the drain. Nevertheless, the drain caught fire.

We opened the man hole, and suddenly, huge clouds of smoke just started to rise. You could see the street lights clouding up. We went to my friends house, who luckily lives like 50 feet away from where this happened, got a huge bin, and started filling it with gallons of water. We brought it back to the fire and poured it, but it didn't go out. We ended up going back and forth between the drain and his house numerous times, and it finally put out after like three or four trips. Still, there was so much smoke everywhere, and we were lucky this was at night because if it had been during the day and people actually noticed, I bet someone would've called the fire department, lol.
[/quote]

Only YOU can prevent storm drain fires!

[Malkavian Raven]

[quote name='RavensAllTheWay' timestamp='1356419743' post='1278599']
My house is at the bottom of a hill on my street, so one night a few years back, me and one of my friends poured gas on a tennis ball, lit it on fire, and rolled it down the hill with a lacrosse stick.

My friend had the stick and he tried to control the flaming tennis ball as it rolled down hill, but it ended up falling into the storm drain right across the street from my house. This was on a cold, brisk evening this time of year, so there were probably a bunch of dry leaves in the drain. Nevertheless, the drain caught fire.

We opened the man hole, and suddenly, huge clouds of smoke just started to rise. You could see the street lights clouding up. We went to my friends house, who luckily lives like 50 feet away from where this happened, got a huge bin, and started filling it with gallons of water. We brought it back to the fire and poured it, but it didn't go out. We ended up going back and forth between the drain and his house numerous times, and it finally put out after like three or four trips. Still, there was so much smoke everywhere, and we were lucky this was at night because if it had been during the day and people actually noticed, I bet someone would've called the fire department, lol.
[/quote]

[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]Kids and fire... when will we ever learn. [/i][/font]

[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]I can't say anything though, I've done far worse things with fire -- some that may still be under investigation. [/i][/font]

[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]~ Cosmic[/i][/font]

[Malkavian Raven]

[quote name='INRavensgirl' timestamp='1356444880' post='1278660']
When I went to grad school, we didn't have JWs....we had Mormons.

I had talked to them once or twice (which is a big mistake....show even one drip of interest and they're on you like Saran Wrap). Well I was in my room one afternoon studying and I heard a knock on the door. I figured it was them, so I just sat in my recliner not making a peep.

So they moved on down the hall...when I heard her door open, I dived out of my room and went downstars and out the front door to my car. I'm standing out at my car and all of a sudden the two young men appear coming out the back door of the building....

What did I do? I ducked down beside my car...was sooooooo freaking funny cause had they turned to their left as they came out the door they would have seen me. Fortunately, they were on a mission (ha ha) and went right to head to the frat house next door. So I got in my car...not really having a destination....just wanted to do Mormon avoidance....and ...well I don't even remember where I went.

Seven and a half years later and that still cracks me up.
[/quote]

[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]Those stealth skills will do you good in the upcoming zombie apocalypse. [/i][/font]

[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]~ Cosmic[/i][/font]

[Malkavian Raven]

[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]So, just in the Dump Thread ... reminded of living down in Pinellas Park, Florida for a stint. While I was down there, my roommate (Mark), his brother (Billy) lived across the street from a crematorium. Billy was Native American, built like a brick smeghouse, and from time to time the guy who ran the crematorium on third-shift would ask him to help lift a body.[/i][/font]

[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]We were having a pool party one evening and the guy from the crematorium came over and asked Billy for some help. Minutes later, they returned and asked Mark & I to help out. We go in, and there is this guy who has to be 400-pounds-plus on a metal slab covered in smeg and smeg. So, I get the nose balm and the latex gloves on and I help carry this guy onto the rollers making sure not to get any smeg on my clothes.[/i][/font]

[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]After we get the guy on the rollers, the guy running it asks me, "Have you ever watched one of these?" (Yeah, do it all the time.) Not! So, he invites me into this room where they've got this THICK piece of glass so you can look in. The first few minutes, nothing is happening and I'm actually getting kind of bored with it. Then, all of sudden, everything in his stomach just fell out, everywhere.[/i][/font]

[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]I spewed. Oh, did I spew.[/i][/font]

[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]~ Cosmic[/i][/font]

[MsMarvel73]

Okay this story is for CRP. It explains why my crew in Baltimore nicknamed me Jeter.

When I lived on the native soil, I lived in a third floor apartment in a building that was originally built in 1890 with a conversion to apartments in the 1930s.

Anyway critters from Outside managed to find their way in. I had to drown stink bugs and evict wasps, etc.

One night I was sitting in my living room yapping away on my laptop when I kept noticing movement in my peripheral vision. Took me a few minutes to realize that a bat had gotten into my apartment.

I admittedly went into mild panic mode. I realize that bats are an important part of the greater ecosystem and I do like them....I only like them when they're NOT in my apartment. The thought of the flying sharp teeth just gives me the willies.

I opened the living room picture window wide open in the hopes it would echolocate its way out on its own. No dice. So I got my broom and started trying to swat. Bats are really good at avoiding, obviously.

Finally it landed on the smoke detector on the ceiling in my bedroom. Ok, I thought, this might be my chance. I reached up and *WHACK* nailed it with the broom. It flew into the corner and smacked the wall so hard I thought I killed the poor thing.

So then I went into 'rescue-and-get-it-the-heck-back-outside' mode. Went out to the kitchen and grabbed my 4 qt Pyrex bowl. I also had a large box waiting for recycling so I cut a big piece off it and went back into the bedroom.

And then panicked cause the bat had disappeared while I was gone. Dear thing had gotten the fog out of its head and moved about. Fortunately, I found it on the floor behind the bed so down went the glass bowl on top of it and then I slid the cardboard underneath it, carried the whole thing outside to my back roof, flipped the bowl over, took the cardboard off and turned around and went back inside.

And trust me, that bat was back to fully functional when I put the bowl down on it. It was squeaking and scrabbling like a [profanity deleted].
But anyway, I digress. When I went to the Crew hang-out that weekend, I told the story and Flock Brother Sasquatch very drunkenly stated


"*Profanity*, you did a Jeter on the poor thing."

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I've been Jeter ever since. I told Sas that night if he had called me A-Rod I would have punched him in the face.

[flaccopoe]

[quote name='INRavensgirl' timestamp='1356584980' post='1279865']
Okay this story is for CRP. It explains why my crew in Baltimore nicknamed me Jeter.

When I lived on the native soil, I lived in a third floor apartment in a building that was originally built in 1890 with a conversion to apartments in the 1930s.

Anyway critters from Outside managed to find their way in. I had to drown stink bugs and evict wasps, etc.

One night I was sitting in my living room yapping away on my laptop when I kept noticing movement in my peripheral vision. Took me a few minutes to realize that a bat had gotten into my apartment.

I admittedly went into mild panic mode. I realize that bats are an important part of the greater ecosystem and I do like them....I only like them when they're NOT in my apartment. The thought of the flying sharp teeth just gives me the willies.

I opened the living room picture window wide open in the hopes it would echolocate its way out on its own. No dice. So I got my broom and started trying to swat. Bats are really good at avoiding, obviously.

Finally it landed on the smoke detector on the ceiling in my bedroom. Ok, I thought, this might be my chance. I reached up and *WHACK* nailed it with the broom. It flew into the corner and smacked the wall so hard I thought I killed the poor thing.

So then I went into 'rescue-and-get-it-the-heck-back-outside' mode. Went out to the kitchen and grabbed my 4 qt Pyrex bowl. I also had a large box waiting for recycling so I cut a big piece off it and went back into the bedroom.

And then panicked cause the bat had disappeared while I was gone. Dear thing had gotten the fog out of its head and moved about. Fortunately, I found it on the floor behind the bed so down went the glass bowl on top of it and then I slid the cardboard underneath it, carried the whole thing outside to my back roof, flipped the bowl over, took the cardboard off and turned around and went back inside.

And trust me, that bat was back to fully functional when I put the bowl down on it. It was squeaking and scrabbling like a [profanity deleted].
But anyway, I digress. When I went to the Crew hang-out that weekend, I told the story and Flock Brother Sasquatch very drunkenly stated


"*Profanity*, you did a Jeter on the poor thing."

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I've been Jeter ever since. I told Sas that night if he had called me A-Rod I would have punched him in the face.
[/quote]

That's why I never leave my windows/doors open!

[img]http://assets.diylol.com/hfs/631/d05/86a/resized/bat-meme-generator-you-deserve-a-pat-on-the-bat-b38b3f.jpg?1317716071.jpg[/img]

[MsMarvel73]

[quote name='flaccopoe' timestamp='1356626564' post='1280122']
That's why I never leave my windows/doors open!

[img]http://assets.diylol.com/hfs/631/d05/86a/resized/bat-meme-generator-you-deserve-a-pat-on-the-bat-b38b3f.jpg?1317716071.jpg[/img]
[/quote]

I didn't have the windows open before I realized the bat was in the apartment.

[flaccopoe]

[quote name='INRavensgirl' timestamp='1356631433' post='1280180']
I didn't have the windows open before I realized the bat was in the apartment.
[/quote]

How'd he get in, then?

[MsMarvel73]

[quote name='flaccopoe' timestamp='1356631625' post='1280184']
How'd he get in, then?
[/quote]

I have no idea. How did the stink bugs get in with the windows closed...and the wasps? The picture window in the living room is the only window that doesn't have a screen on it...because we couldn't find the screen that fit,

It's an old building...they will find a way in if they need warmth.

[Malkavian Raven]

[quote name='flaccopoe' timestamp='1356631625' post='1280184']
How'd he get in, then?
[/quote]

[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]Um, duh...[/i][/font]

[center][font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i][img]http://www.scififreaksite.com/batman.gif[/img][/i][/font][/center]

[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]~ Cosmic[/i][/font]

[Malkavian Raven]

[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]I'm such a mean dad at times...[/i][/font]

[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]The oldest had his Powerade sitting on the counter while I was getting my pipe wrench out from under the sink. When he walked away, I decided to be a prankster and used the pipe wrench to tighten his cap on there.[/i][/font]

[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]Well, nearly four hours later, I walk into the kitchen and there's his Powerade, about 75% of the way full, sitting in the garbage can.[/i][/font]

[Malkavian Raven]

[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]Living in an apartment complex at the time, we were having a Fourth Of July celebration with some family and friends. Most of the family had already left and it was really just the wife, myself and our friend Charles and his fiancee Amanda. Charles, always talked a big game when it came to drink, but in reality was a lightweight.[/i][/font]

[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]Charles, full-on blackout, we coax his fiancee into hazing him.[/i][/font]

[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]This apartment complex had a pond out front, so we loaded Charles up into the car, told him we were taking him home. We drove around for a little bit and to wind up beside the pond. We had put a sunbathing raft in the trunk. We place Charles onto the raft, using some tape and a sewing needle, we popped a tiny hole in it and shoved him out towards the middle of the pond.[/i][/font]

[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]And as we watched more and more of Charles' body disappear into the water, we began to get worried that he wasn't going to wake up. I believe it was about the time his mouth went into the water, he sprung up with a loud "What the heck?".[/i][/font]

[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]We of course had to hear about, "What if I had drowned?" ... and his fiancee (now his wife) took a pretty good chunk of the anger.[/i][/font]

[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]We never saw them much after that.[/i][/font]

[Malkavian Raven]

[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]Snipe hunting. Sure, it is common elsewhere but this was one of my favorite high school past times. Most memorable one was when we fooled my friend Jeff. Jeff, real uppity, snob at times. We managed to get our hands on some beer and decided we were going to ask Jeff to go snipe hunting with us.[/i][/font]

[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]We loaded up the trucks with fishing nets, different kinds of bait from the tackle shop and headed out to the cornfield.[/i][/font]

[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]For those of you unaware, there is no such thing as a snipe (in this instance... yes, there is a bird called a snipe, just stick with me here).[/i][/font]

[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]We get Jeff out there, we show him what he's supposed to do and tell him he's looking for something that looks like a beaver, but it's about the size of a dog. Not to worry, they're harmless.[/i][/font]

[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]We head off to our "posts" (back to the truck, with the beer) and we waited to see how long Jeff would wait it out. -- Three-hours. He laid out in the cornfield for three-hours before he finally gave in. Came walking out of the cornfield, flashing a "freebird" at us.[/i][/font]

[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]At least we saved him a couple of beers.[/i][/font]

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[flaccopoe]

Anyone here have any funny stories about trying to retrieve a ball that went somewhere it wasn't supposed to? I have several, the most notable of which was trying to find a way onto my school's roof after my friend kicked my football onto the roof. Made for some funny memories!

[ravens__]

You're on a roll tonight, flaccopoe. lol

[The Oakland Cathedral]

[quote name='flaccopoe' timestamp='1359866896' post='1339253']
Anyone here have any funny stories about trying to retrieve a ball that went somewhere it wasn't supposed to? I have several, the most notable of which was trying to find a way onto my school's roof after my friend kicked my football onto the roof. Made for some funny memories!
[/quote]My neighbor once accidentally threw a signed Tom Glavine baseball of mine over a wall that led to a highway and we looked like idiots walking around the sides of the highway staring intently at the ground... It was very awkward. Unfortunately could not find the ball.

[flaccopoe]

[quote name='Miami Hurricane' timestamp='1359867530' post='1339283']
My neighbor once accidentally threw a signed Tom Glavine baseball of mine over a wall that led to a highway and we looked like idiots walking around the sides of the highway staring intently at the ground... It was very awkward. Unfortunately could not find the ball.
[/quote]

Damn, sorry to hear that! In high school, I was playing softball with classmates. Someone fouled the ball over the barrier separating the field from a steep hill that led to Pulaski Highway. One of us had to make the epic hike down to retrieve it. I'm pretty sure the gym teacher broke some school policy regarding student safety, in hindsight!

[The Oakland Cathedral]

[quote name='flaccopoe' timestamp='1359867732' post='1339289']


Damn, sorry to hear that! In high school, I was playing softball with classmates. Someone fouled the ball over the barrier separating the field from a steep hill that led to Pulaski Highway. One of us had to make the epic hike down to retrieve it. I'm pretty sure the gym teacher broke some school policy regarding student safety, in hindsight!
[/quote]Lol student safety<ball

[Malkavian Raven]

[font=trebuchet ms,helvetica,sans-serif][i]In high-school, we made it a point to try and get all the kick balls on top of the scoreboard fixture hanging from the ceiling by the end of the year. We were very close my junior year. I think there were two left. When Mr. Fitzgerald finally got the scissor lift out and went up there... he threw down nearly 20 of them... which meant, we had to run 20 laps on the last day of school.[/i][/font]