Create A Better Super Bowl Halftime Show In One Minute

[hawkprey]

I have come up with several ideas myself:


1) [b]Two monkeys have a game of catch:[/b] One is a chimpanzee playing Ben Roethlisberger. The other is a Great Ape portraying Haloti Ngata. Music supplied by one loud cracking noise two seconds into the play.

2) [b]A cell phone goes off: [/b] A lone man's cell phone goes off. The beeping noise sounds remarkably similar to the Black Eyed Peas' "The Time" (the part they didn't write). Music supplied until the ring gets past "the good part" and the man picks up.

3) [b]Uncontrollable bowel movements:[/b] The crowd goes wild! Then, to the bathroom. All of them miss the horror that is the Black Eyed Peas.

4) [b]We run the show now:[/b] Government-ordered troops line the stadium exits. The audience is threatened with electroshock to maintain their attention on the Black Eyed Peas. Audience is asked to shut up. This is your entertainment! This is what you love! Anyone entertaining thought or human intelligence is weeded out immediately.

5) [b]Dig Up Elvis:[/b] He's still fat, but it's Elvis. And most importantly, it's not the Black Eyed Peas. Female swooning is expected to be less frequent than Elvis is used to. Music supplied by The King. One member is promised a brand new Cadillac.

6) [b]Ultimate Channel Remote Change Extravaganza:[/b] As a thumb grazes over the "mute" button, a soft chill goes over the TV audience's mind. Then, without hesitation, the button for "channel up" is forced into the back of the remote where it shall remain there for the next few minutes. The rest of the halftime is spent hitting the back of the remote as to pop the button back out.

What are your suggestions, and are you as embarrassed for your country as I am?

[TreTheRaven]

Justin Bieber doing an interview with Chris Hansen on how he is ripping his fans off by thinking the kid is a good singer. Isn't brain wash illegal now-a-days in America?

[AwakenTheDemon]

A drunk woman pees her pants in front of a packed audience and tries to cover it up by throwing champagne on herself.

Oh wait... that's already the halftime show. Damn NFL, stealing my ideas.

[theFRANCHISE]

[quote name='TreTheRaven' timestamp='1296449465' post='629113']
Justin Bieber doing an interview with Chris Hansen on how he is ripping his fans off by thinking the kid is a good singer. Isn't brain wash illegal now-a-days in America?
[/quote]
They could just air "To Catch a Predator" clips and I'd be happy. Even though what those criminals are doing is horrible, I get a kick out of seeing low-lives get embarassed and humiliated -- it'd be no different than the humiliation suffered by aging rockers past their prime, anyway.

[Purple Nurple]

[quote name='AwakenTheDemon' timestamp='1296456331' post='629131']
A drunk woman pees her pants in front of a packed audience and tries to cover it up by throwing champagne on herself.

[/quote]

Wouldnt that be great if lightning struck twice?

[PuRock]

Demonstrations on how to set yellow towels on fire.

[BloodRaven]

[img]http://photos.igougo.com/images/p240957-Black_Rock_City_NV-Thunderdome.jpg[/img]

Two men enter, one man leaves.

[PuRock]

The Manning-Bowl, where they have a lick off (with Oreos).

[Ed_Reed20]

Celebrity boxing match between Chad Johnson and Marvin Lewis.

[JO_75]

Anyone or anything but the Black Eyed Peas.

[PuRock]

[quote name='JO_75' timestamp='1296498795' post='629325']
Anyone or anything but the Black Eyed Peas.
[/quote]

or Janet Jackson, or Taylor Swift, or the Eagles or Justin Timberlake or any crappy music.

[Ed_Reed20]

Fatal 4-way mud wrestling match between Shakira, Alicia Keys, Keri Hilson and Kati Perry.

[theblackdog]

Marylin Manson takes a chain saw to the center scoreboard at Dallas Stadium and cuts the support cables while the Black Eyed Peas are performing, it drops and takes care of that problem. Manson is later interviewed and says he did it because they're a bunch of posers.

[AwakenTheDemon]

At halftime, everyone gets to cut their own switch.

[bpytnjr58]

I never watch it so i will just take the time and reload on beer and brats.

[hawkprey]

Nicely done, Ravens fans. So far I like ER_20's 4-way death match (you said fatal, I assume that's all of them and not just one or two?) and PuRock's oreo-style death match.

I'm glad there are those of you who feel the same way as me, and I'm very glad no one suggested "Sign Asomugha" yet.

[Romo Ravens]

[quote name='Ed_Reed20' timestamp='1296500549' post='629340']
Fatal 4-way mud wrestling match between Shakira, Alicia Keys, Keri Hilson and Kati Perry.
[/quote]

I like this, as long as you keep Katy Perry out of it. Or if I'm the one wrestling with her.

[TreTheRaven]

[quote name='theFRANCHISE' timestamp='1296458922' post='629135']
They could just air "To Catch a Predator" clips and I'd be happy. Even though what those criminals are doing is horrible, I get a kick out of seeing low-lives get embarassed and humiliated -- it'd be no different than the humiliation suffered by aging rockers past their prime, anyway.
[/quote]

If I am correct, I think they still air that show on MSNBC occasionally. Friday & Saturdays? I know I had just watched some re-runs the other day. But you're so right, seeing their facial expressions when being caught up is just absolutely priceless.

Did you happen to catch Dateline Sunday yesterday with Hansen? Catching air-duct rip offs & tarot card readers. Man, it was hilarious. One of the businesses even closed down a few days after Hansen busted them up. I think Hansen is probably the greatest reporter out there. Sorry, not trying to hijack the thread.

[Ed_Reed20]

[quote name='Romo Ravens' timestamp='1296507143' post='629423']
I like this, as long as you keep Katy Perry out of it. Or if I'm the one wrestling with her.
[/quote]

No dudes! If not Perry, then how about Rihanna?

[kagejb]

Zooey Deschanel just standing in midfield while we all admire her.

[RL52TheGreatest]

[quote name='Ed_Reed20' timestamp='1296500549' post='629340']
Fatal 4-way mud wrestling match between Shakira, Alicia Keys, Keri Hilson and Kati Perry.
[/quote]
Can we add Beyonce and make it a 5-way?

[hawkprey]

[quote name='RL52TheGreatest' timestamp='1296515630' post='629555']
Can we add Beyonce and make it a 5-way?
[/quote]

I think the consensus is the more blown-up, annoying singers (that suffer) the better. Even if we're running out of stage room. We can just pile them on top of each other. We have to make room for kesha.

[kagejb]

[quote name='hawkprey' timestamp='1296516691' post='629581']
I think the consensus is the more blown-up, annoying singers (that suffer) the better. Even if we're running out of stage room. We can just pile them on top of each other. We have to make room for kesha.
[/quote]
I'm surprised Justin Bieber hasn't been added yet.

[bauer77]

The crowd just yelling NO MEANS NO!. perfect halftime show.

[hawkprey]

[quote name='kagejb' timestamp='1296516896' post='629584']
I'm surprised Justin Bieber hasn't been added yet.
[/quote]

It wouldn't matter, all his fans would be watching "Hello Kitty: the musical." We'll kill him at a mall.

[PuRock]

[quote name='kagejb' timestamp='1296515601' post='629554']
Zooey Deschanel just standing in midfield while we all admire her.
[/quote]

She just seems nutty to me. Cute. But nutty.

[PuRock]

[quote name='bauer77' timestamp='1296517109' post='629587']
The crown just yelling NO MEANS NO!. perfect halftime show.
[/quote]

Originally I was thinking 'Prince Charles???' but then I realized you meant [b]crowd[/b].

That is a good idea BTW.

[bauer77]

[quote name='PuRock' timestamp='1296518971' post='629616']
Originally I was thinking 'Prince Charles???' but then I realized you meant [b]crowd[/b].

That is a good idea BTW.
[/quote]

*edited

LOL i was like wait.....and then had to go back to look. my D button is acting weird i think lol.

[kagejb]

[quote name='PuRock' timestamp='1296518904' post='629614']
She just seems nutty to me. Cute. But nutty.
[/quote]
[img]http://thefilmstage.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/zooey-deschanel.jpg[/img]

LOOK AT THE EYES. You could almost drown in them.

[Romo Ravens]

[quote name='Ed_Reed20' timestamp='1296513537' post='629516']
No dudes! If not Perry, then how about Rihanna?
[/quote]

Rihanna will do.