Four Reasons For Eli's Resurgence...

[MKdave]

When I saw 'Four theories behind Eli's recent rise' as a story on my google homepage, I thought It would be a comical article, making light of the fact that Eli manning is awful, and could never lead his team to the superbowl without some sort of voo-doo. This, however, was not the case! Peter king had listed his Real theories as to why manning is playing well.

This dissapointed me greatly, so greatly infact, that I am going to give you the article that I had intended to read:

Why Eli manning is playing so well...

My four theories

1)Grand theft arm

Eli crept into his brothers room, one december night, and severed the arms of his brother, and indianapolis quarterback, peyton manning.Later attatching the arms to his own shoulders, and presumably, applied his own arms to peyton's shoulders. This has lead eli not only to miraculously increase his throw accuracy and distance, but is now unable to make stupid throws. Eli has not thrown one interception in the entire postseason. Doesnt sound like Eli, huh...

This is probably also the cause of Peyton's drop-off in play in the playoffs, many of his thows were reminiscent of the idiocy that his younger brother displayed on a frequent basis.

2)unleashing the power of the double stuf!

Eli was recently seen part-taking in an ancient chinese ritual know as : 'Licking the inside of an Oreo'. We have managed to obtain unedited footage of Eli's envolvement in said ritual, with his brother peyton.WARNING:what is in

,may shock you.

This has undoubtedly had a hand in the rise of eli manning to superbowl quarterback status. It is said that the inside of an oreo improves confidence and poise,and the ancient chinese used it to make their soldiers fearless in battle. It is unknown why the procedure did not have an effect on the older of the two brothers, but the whitehouse has assured us it is commited to finding the answer to that question.

3)'Roids!

when someone becomes good at something, it is only fair for someone in the media to accuse them of anabolic steroid use.

4)Plaxico burress is applying glue to his hands prior to every game

Plaxico has recently stated that he feels thay the giants have a better receiving core than the pats.because I cannot be bothered to quote from it, the story is here. At first, this claim seems ridiculous, How could the giants wide receivers(who ever they are) be better that the likes of randy moss, wes welker, donte stallworth and jabar gaffney? but then, you look a little closer, and you see the glue residue on the hands of the giants wide receivers, and the claim starts making sense...

If you want to read King's original article, It's Here, but trust me; you'll be dissapointed.

[JonM229]

An awesome post by an awesome poster. Reminds me of my favourite sports writer DJ Gallo.

P.S. I just hijacked this thread too.

[MKdave]

An awesome post by an awesome poster. Reminds me of my favourite sports writer DJ Gallo.

P.S. I just hijacked this thread too.

Hey Jon, you're right : I am an awesome poster!

And also, I'd never heard of DJ gallo, so I went and checked him out.

I now finally understand those comments about tom brady and goats(and how he carresses them) from back in the day.

by back in the day I mean midseason.

[JonM229]

It feels like only several weeks ago.

[minford]

Reminds me of my favourite sports writer DJ Gallo.

I think Gallo tries too hard to be funny. I like Easterbrook & Simmons (aka TMQ & The Sports Guy) better.

[JonM229]

I like Easterbrook, but I can't stand Simmons. Never has anything good to say about the Ravens. But that's neither here nor there and has nothing to do with the topic at hand.

[MKdave]

I like Easterbrook, but I can't stand Simmons. Never has anything good to say about the Ravens. But that's neither here nor there and has nothing to do with the topic at hand.

Oh my god, don't you just hate people who go off topic!

[minford]

I like Easterbrook, but I can't stand Simmons. Never has anything good to say about the Ravens. But that's neither here nor there and has nothing to do with the topic at hand.

Yeah Simmons has such an annoying Boston bias that I can't read his stuff right now, but usually he has some good stuff.

Now to stop the threadjacking...

Why isn't it more public knowledge that Eli's first name is Elisha?

[JonM229]

Oh my god, don't you just hate people who go off topic!

Seriously...what a waste of mine and everybody else's time! Thanks minford for the 30 seconds I'll never get back.

[JonM229]

Why isn't it more public knowledge that Eli's first name is Elisha?

His last name wouldn't be Dushku, would it?...She's hot.

^Talking about hot women is always on topic.

[MKdave]

His last name wouldn't be Dushku, would it?...She's hot.

^Talking about hot women is always on topic.

No, that's Eliza dushku, not elisha

She is hot though, did you ever watch that show were she saved dead people. Tru calling or something.

She was actually called tru! how ridiculous is that! what kind of mother would name their child tru (appologies to anyone named tru)

PS, I can go off topic all I want because this is my topic.

Anyway, lets get back to the real story, how great my post is.

[JonM229]

It's so great, that I'm forced to make up a word to describe it. Scrum...tru...lescent. This post is absolutely scrumtrulescent.

[MKdave]

It's so great, that I'm forced to make up a word to describe it. Scrum...tru...lescent. This post is absolutely scrumtrulescent.

Let's call the dictionary, they have a word missing!

[JonM229]

I stole that from Will Ferrell doing James Lipton.

[MKdave]

I stole that from Will Ferrell doing James Lipton.

I love will ferrell!

This being my thread, This is now a thread dedicated to will ferrell, and why he is great.

Of course, complimentary words in the direction of me and my post are still very welcome.

[JonM229]

I love will ferrell!

This being my thread, This is now a thread dedicated to will ferrell, and why he is great.

Of course, complimentary words in the direction of me and my post are still very welcome.

If I had to say who's funnier, I'd have to say MKdave by a smidgen because his movies are original and don't just repeat the same formula over and over. And Brits are just plain funnier than Americans anyway.

[MKdave]

If I had to say who's funnier, I'd have to say MKdave by a smidgen because his movies are original and don't just repeat the same formula over and over. And Brits are just plain funnier than Americans anyway.

Yeah, your pretty much bang on the money, I am probably the funniest person alive.

And maybe will is just in the 'if it aint broke, dont fix it' Mindset, and will ferrel ain't broke.

[JonM229]

Broke as in broken, or broke as in has no money?

[MKdave]

both.

[JonM229]

I like how we're the only ones posting on this thread.

[MKdave]

I like how we're the only ones posting on this thread.

Our threads are always the funniest threads.

And there can be no Hijacking accusations because I own it.

[JonM229]

We do banter well. I never knew that's considered hijacking.

^Just hijacked that sentence.

[minford]

Mind if I CRASH the party?

[MKdave]

Mind if I CRASH the party?

Yes I mind!

oh OK, you can stay, just dont go crazy on the punch...

PS why is CRASH in capital letters?

[MKdave]

I think we may have broken the record for least posters in a two page thread.

[JonM229]

Maybe he misplaced the italics button

[minford]

Its a one liner from Spider-Man. I think from the early 90's cartoon.

[JonM229]

I think this topic should now be devoted to 90s cartoons, and since hijacking has been allowed...that's what we're going to talk about now...and also how great MKdave is.

[minford]

Even tho they were created in the 80's, the Simpsons is my #1 90's cartoon.

[MKdave]

Even tho they were created in the 80's, the Simpsons is my #1 90's cartoon.

Uh, arent we forgetting something?

I think this topic should now be devoted to 90s cartoons, and since hijacking has been allowed...that's what we're going to talk about now...and also how great MKdave is.

Finish your post!