Best Jokes

[djt123456]

Q: What do you call 47 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Pittsburgh Steeler .

Q: What do the balitomore ravens and the Pope have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell 'Jesus Christ.'

Q: Where do you go in Pittsburgh in case of a tornado?
A: To the Heinz Field- you never see a touchdown there.

Q: What do you call a Pittsburgh Steeler with a Super Bowl ring?
A: A thief.

Q: Why doesn't Central Pennsylvania have a professional football team?
A: Because then Pittsburgh would want one.

Q: What's the difference between the Steelers and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: How many Steelers does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A: Nobody knows and we may never find out again.

Q: What do the Pittsburgh Steelers and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the

[PuRock]

I got all excited I thought we might have something to discuss in the fantasy forum.

I miss talking fantasy football.

[thewarden86]

Those are all Browns jokes.

[JonM229]

[quote name='thewarden86' date='18 March 2010 - 06:53 PM' timestamp='1268952788' post='379360']
Those are all Browns jokes.
[/quote]
Agreed

[Purple Nurple]

Please lock this thread before Shake comes by and starts ad-libbing jokes.

[thewarden86]

[quote name='Purple Nurple' date='18 March 2010 - 09:58 PM' timestamp='1268963910' post='379539']
Please lock this thread before Shake comes by and starts ad-libbing jokes.
[/quote]

lol. Seconded.

[AwakenTheDemon]

[quote name='djt123456' date='18 March 2010 - 01:48 PM' timestamp='1268938122' post='379215']
Q: What do you call 47 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Pittsburgh Steeler .

Q: What do the balitomore ravens and the Pope have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell 'Jesus Christ.'

Q: Where do you go in Pittsburgh in case of a tornado?
A: To the Heinz Field- you never see a touchdown there.

[b]Q: What do you call a Pittsburgh Steeler with a Super Bowl ring?
A: A thief.
[/b]
Q: Why doesn't Central Pennsylvania have a professional football team?
A: Because then Pittsburgh would want one.

Q: What's the difference between the Steelers and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: How many Steelers does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A: Nobody knows and we may never find out again.

Q: What do the Pittsburgh Steelers and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the
[/quote]

As much as I hate the Steelers... that's extremely hard to turn into a joke when the franchise has won 6 Superbowls.

[BirdWatcher]

I just keep hoping I'll come here and see a new FUNNY joke.

[thewarden86]

[quote name='Moderator 3' date='19 March 2010 - 05:43 PM' timestamp='1269034995' post='380058']
I just keep hoping I'll come here and see a new FUNNY joke.
[/quote]




That's the funniest post in this thread yet!

[Ravenskid2085]

Coffee is pretty much the same thing as a bra.
three is way too much.
and sticking your finger in another persons is just not cool.

[Clutch Ravens]

Those are a bunch of poor, generic jokes that can only be applied to bad teams and, sadly, you can't classify the Steelers as a bad team.

[Reddawn36]

I have 3 arms, a face, no legs, and people often come to me for the most asked question.



What am I?

[JonM229]

[quote name='Reddawn36' date='20 March 2010 - 01:14 PM' timestamp='1269105249' post='380348']
I have 3 arms, a face, no legs, and people often come to me for the most asked question.



What am I?
[/quote]
Your mom

What do I win?

[Alexir]

[quote name='Reddawn36' date='20 March 2010 - 01:14 PM' timestamp='1269105249' post='380348']
I have 3 arms, a face, no legs, and people often come to me for the most asked question.



What am I?
[/quote]


Clock.

Why do birds fly upside down while flying over the Browns stadium?

Cuz even they know they arent worth a Crap.

[Reddawn36]

[quote name='JonM229' date='20 March 2010 - 01:57 PM' timestamp='1269107846' post='380356']
Your mom

What do I win?
[/quote]

a one way ticket to visit planet anti-fun.....

[Purple Punishment]

I was hoping for real jokes.....not generalized football jokes so here is one for you guys

"Impossible to Please"

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

[Guest I-70WestRaven]

True story and a joke. When I first moved to Illinois, and bein' a city boy all I new about wildlife, was, well, you know! Standing in the middle of no where with some friends downing some cold ones on a country road, someone called my attention to a flock of geese flying overhead. He says to me, "have you even noticed how geese always seem to fly in a V formation?" Thinking about it, I answered yes. He says, "did you ever notice how one side of the V is always longer than the other?" As I ponder this deep question it occured to me, yea he's right! "You know why that is?" he asked. Beleiving I was about to be enlightened with some real "redneck" wisdom I answered no. He looks me right in the eyes and says "more geese on one side wing nut!" Wish I could blame Budwiser, but hey I'm from Balmer, hon!

[thewarden86]

[quote name='JonM229' date='20 March 2010 - 01:57 PM' timestamp='1269107846' post='380356']
Your mom

What do I win?
[/quote]

Up Top!

[ravensfolife]

Hope this ones not to dirty..... A women gives birth to a baby boy, and its born with a rare defect. The infant is rushed out of the room into surgery. After a couple hours the dr comes back to the women with good news and bad news. He says the baby was born without eyelids but they were able to use extra skin from his scrotum and attach as eyelids. But the bad news is he might be a little ******-eyed.

[thewarden86]

[quote name='ravensfolife' date='28 March 2010 - 04:22 PM' timestamp='1269807768' post='383639']
Hope this ones not to dirty..... A women gives birth to a baby boy, and its born with a rare defect. The infant is rushed out of the room into surgery. After a couple hours the dr comes back to the women with good news and bad news. He says the baby was born without eyelids but they were able to use extra skin from his scrotum and attach as eyelids. But the bad news is he might be a little ******-eyed.
[/quote]

[theblackdog]

Little Johnny and his dad are on their way to visit his new baby cousin. On the way his dad tells him that the baby was born without ears, and if he makes any remarks about the baby not having any ears, he's going to get a spanking. They get to the house and Little Johnny looks at the baby and then asks his uncle "So how well does she see?" The uncle says "She has perfect vision, 20/20." Little Johnny says "Good, because she'd be ******ed if she needed glasses!"

[JonM229]

A man, his wife, their son, daughter, and dog all walk into a talent scout's office. They tell him that they would like to go on tour with their act.

"Why don't you tell me about your act?" asks the talent scout.
"I think it'd be better if we showed you" replied the man.

***** ***** **** ****** **** ***** ***** ***** **** ****** **** ***** ***** ***** **** ****** **** ***** ***** ***** **** ****** **** *****
***** ***** **** ****** **** ***** ***** ***** **** ****** **** ***** ***** ***** **** ****** **** ***** ***** ***** **** ****** **** *****
***** ***** **** ****** **** ***** ***** ***** **** ****** **** ***** ***** ***** **** ****** **** ***** ***** ***** **** ****** **** *****
***** ***** **** ****** **** ***** ***** ***** **** ****** **** ***** ***** ***** **** ****** **** ***** ***** ***** **** ****** **** *****
***** ***** **** ****** **** ***** ***** ***** **** ****** **** ***** ***** ***** **** ****** **** ***** ***** ***** **** ****** **** *****
***** ***** **** ****** **** ***** ***** ***** **** ****** **** ***** ***** ***** **** ****** **** ***** ***** ***** **** ****** **** *****

The talent scout, after a stunned silence, asks, "What do you call your act?"
The man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

[Shawn`]

So I hear you guys want some jokes.

Well, youz guyz are in luck, head over to my Stand Up Comedy thread and watch my video for some jokes.


[img]http://boards.baltimoreravens.com/public/style_emoticons/default/smilies-5804.png[/img]

[JonM229]

[quote name='Shawn`' date='31 March 2010 - 07:03 PM' timestamp='1270076638' post='384912']
So I hear you guys want some jokes.

Well, youz guyz are in luck, head over to my Stand Up Comedy thread and watch my video for some jokes.


[img]http://boards.baltimoreravens.com/public/style_emoticons/default/smilies-5804.png[/img]
[/quote]
Shameless self-plug...BOO!!

[Purple Nurple]

[quote name='JonM229' date='31 March 2010 - 05:02 PM' timestamp='1270069357' post='384885']
A man, his wife, their son, daughter, and dog all walk into a talent scout's office. They tell him that they would like to go on tour with their act.

"Why don't you tell me about your act?" asks the talent scout.
"I think it'd be better if we showed you" replied the man.

***** ***** **** ****** **** ***** ***** ***** **** ****** **** ***** ***** ***** **** ****** **** ***** ***** ***** **** ****** **** *****
***** ***** **** ****** **** ***** ***** ***** **** ****** **** ***** ***** ***** **** ****** **** ***** ***** ***** **** ****** **** *****
***** ***** **** ****** **** ***** ***** ***** **** ****** **** ***** ***** ***** **** ****** **** ***** ***** ***** **** ****** **** *****
***** ***** **** ****** **** ***** ***** ***** **** ****** **** ***** ***** ***** **** ****** **** ***** ***** ***** **** ****** **** *****
***** ***** **** ****** **** ***** ***** ***** **** ****** **** ***** ***** ***** **** ****** **** ***** ***** ***** **** ****** **** *****
***** ***** **** ****** **** ***** ***** ***** **** ****** **** ***** ***** ***** **** ****** **** ***** ***** ***** **** ****** **** *****

The talent scout, after a stunned silence, asks, "What do you call your act?"
The man replies, "The Aristocrats!"
[/quote]


BEST.JOKE.EVER. Its a joke that you decide how far it goes, and the further the better. Not for the faint of heart, indeed. There are some gems on YouTube and they even made a documentary about this joke. Nice post.

EDIT: And I always make sure Grandma is part of this joke.