The term “heinous internet troll” gets thrown around a lot these days. However, I have a lot of good reasons not to go outside:
Family: Family is a big part of life, especially those close to you. That’s why avoiding them is a top priority.
Guns: A lot of people outside carry guns, and mine are better. Why bother comparing when I know I'll win anyway?
The Switzerland Super-collider: Another reason to stay inside – outside, there is a super-collider. I can't risk having it collide with my “anti-super-collider”, which produces gaseous explosions from my backside after first running around the house to reach near-light speeds.
Ghosts: Ghosts are real and a great reason to stay indoors. Or at least that’s what the ones in my house suggest. They’re very trustable. Not good with stacking dinner plates carefully though.
Agoraphobia: I can’t deal with all the agoraphobes you meet out there. We get it, you have issues. Next.
D-bag: This one’s not misleading. I’m just a d-bag.
I’m working on a role: I’m method-acting a super hero who’s a downtown crime-fighter at night and traveling landscape photographer during the day. I simply don’t have time to leave.
I’m working on some rolls: Oh they smell so good! I can’t wait! God I hope she didn’t burn the hotdogs this time.
Domestic violence: She burnt them.
